Just like there is a profile for the borderline personality type, there is also a profile for the kind of man that they often choose to partner with.The type of personality that so often gets caught up in a relationship with a woman with traits of BPD is what we might call a “nice guy” type.Their focus and commitment to their relationship keeps them on the straight and narrow. Because women with traits of BPD are not capable of withstanding any kind of betrayal, the nice-guy type’s ability to override selfish impulses and give to her consistently turns him into her perfect knight in shining armor.
What they tend to overlook is the fact that betrayal happens on a much more subtle level every day in all of our relationships.Humans are naturally a little bit selfish, and we fade in and out of this slightly narcissistic mode as we go through life.Although the nice-guy/borderline union in theory should work, in reality it is guaranteed to fail. Either the nice-guy type will finally have a momentary lapse of selfishness, which she will experience as a major betrayal, or she will become so overwhelmed by her suspicious nature that that she will convince herself that he has betrayed her.Either way, without an ironclad guarantee that she cannot be hurt, she will be unwilling to trust him again.The romantic partner of the woman with traits of BPD will soon find that although she demands complete adherence to the relationship rules from him, she is incapable of holding up her own end of the bargain.
Many nice-guy types are willing to accept these flaws.
In Part 1 we explored the personality type associated with traits of borderline personality disorder, or BPD, and the unusual pattern of Dr. Hyde transformation that so many of these women go through when they enter a romantic relationship.
With this understanding of what makes the woman with traits of BPD engage in these destructive behavior patterns, let’s now turn to the question of why so many men stay even when it’s clear that the woman they are with is not capable of sustaining a healthy relationship.
When we don’t, our relationship partners experience our selfish actions as a mild form of betrayal of our relationship agreement.
These minor betrayals over agreements to make each other feel safe in the relationship and to keep things fair for both people are at the heart of most of our everyday arguments.
This personality type truly enjoys giving and often find they need nothing more in return than a feeling of being appreciated.