It’s not that you should act on every impulse that you have on the assumption that your accumulated wisdom will steer your impulses every time.The trick, I think, is how to tell the difference between an impulse and an instinct.
Even a total jerk can be expected to be a nice guy 80% of the time.
And that 80% is all the positive reinforcement you need to stick around for too long with the wrong guy.
Plus, he hasn’t been too aggressive in finding work. However, like lab rats who get shocked when they go for the wrong cheese, we have the capacity to learn from them.
In fact, he said that he’s contemplating a new career, although he doesn’t know what that will be quite yet. People fall hard and fast for each other, which is wonderful and normal. But as any parent will tell their teens, puppy love is evanescent. Which is why there’s no point in beating yourself up about not trusting your judgment. By the same token, I’m not saying that you should always trust your judgment. And if you’re going out with the same narcissistic guy or the same alcoholic guy or the same emotionally unavailable guy over and over and over again, THAT’s where you need to beat up on yourself.
Consider the classic problem of what to take personally.
Your boyfriend is busy at work, and he stops calling.
The one thing you can trust is that you’ve been down this path before and you know how it ends….
It may make perfect sense to be gun-shy following a string of mistakes, but the present is not the past, and you are not the same as you were during your last relationship.
Sure, no one would be able to cry at chick flicks or sense when something’s wrong when you come home from work, but who cares? And after each bad relationship, I find myself retrospectively scratching my head, wondering how I could have been so blind.
The day you emulate your laptop will be the final day you look across the dinner table at your boyfriend and ask yourself, “What the hell am I doing with this guy? Ever ask your friends, “Now that we broke up, what did you really think about him? Upon which you learned that everyone unanimously felt he was a jerk since Day 1.
It’s simple to put labels on a guy to justify why he should be dumped– he’s neglectful, he’s abusive, he’s selfish, he’s gay, blahblahblah.